New Age Management Bollocks

This really takes the biscuit. After complaining to Martin Gulliver Designs about some poor quality cutlery I have been asked to provide an "uplift address" where they can "access the problem".

Dear Drivers

None of the following yet classify you as disabled, and therefore you are not allowed to park in the disabled parking bays at Sainsbury's, Vauxhall.

• An inability to drive, although of course asking you to drive as shorter distance as possible through the car park may be an advantage to others, including the genuinely disabled.
• An inability to park, though of course those larger disabled bays will give you more room for error, maybe you could start by trying to park between the lines.
• Obesity, though of course the larger disabled bays are a help in allowing you to get out of your car, and the fact that the disabled bays are closer to the shop will mean that you conserve energy and do not risk the loss of any of that essential body fat.
• Vanity, though of course the larger disabled bays will allow you to admire your reflection in your windows.

Yours etc.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Walking to work this morning I passed two police cars, one parked on double yellows and a cycle path marked with an uninterrupted white line (that's important) the other in a bus lane/bus stop. And no, they weren't answering an emergency, they were stopped at what I think is a police dog handling unit.

Early Learning

I have been on this earth for 29 years 1 month and 1 week, and I have only just noticed that ctrl+backspace deletes the previous word. Why don't people tell you these things?

My girlfriend just texted me to ask me if I am a Sun certified Java programmer. I have always thought certification is for losers, but maybe that's just the ones that crow about being Microsoft certified, or more often, due to be MS certified.

Barclay's PINSentry

When I first received Barclay's little calculator-a-like PINSentry device I was pretty annoyed, nobody likes change, and I didn't really want to have to carry it around with me all the time, but I've got used to doing just that, and I now have a Nationwide one too which works with Barclay's card which I keep at home, and obviously the added security is a benefit. However, whenever I try to pay somebody for the first time I have to enter the details ten or so times while the pages cycle from step 3 to step 4 back to step 3 without any error messages. So having tried my ten or so times, and my patience, I finally rang Barclay's to enquire what might be going wrong. The chap on the other end was ever so slightly patronising and asked me to go through it with him, and it worked. He said "you're welcome" without me even thanking him and I felt like screaming "YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!" But I suppose I should take this as the lesson it is, as it is usually I who stand there watching as the computer miraculously behaves itself while I'm watching trying to keep my patronising and sarcastic thoughts to myself. Just yesterday a client rang to say that our software had somehow deleted a different record to the one that she was on.

Kai has also blogged on this too of course.

Opodon't

I have never known a company as bad as Opodo, they don't even give you the option to opt out, they just tell you when you order to "please automatically subscribe through the unsubscribe link in our emails or email us at unsubscribe@opodo.com."

Junk Mail: BT

Called BT this morning to ask them to stop sending me junk mail. Apart from transferring me through three different departments they were quite good about it, sky and virgin were able to do it without transferring me at all, and of course I didn't ask for it in the first place.

Gov In IT

My NHS booking saga continues. Having booked my hospital appointment last week and received a reminder to do so this morning I called up the NHS's booking line to let them know of the error. It turns out that as Guy's has its own booking department that is not part of the NHS's nationwide system and so I will continue to receive the reminders, no they can't be stopped, the only possible course of action is to cancel my booking, which was not recommended.

Junk Mail

Oh my God I hate junk mail. I have had to ring up Virgin Media three times. They had our hose down as the house and two flats. I swear I have told BT before that I don't want any of their crap. I usually find that ringing the number on the junk gets best results. It was actually quite frustrating ringing Virgin as they were so reasonable and polite. Sky is another major offender.

Choice Worse

I previously blogged about my joy at making a hospital appointment using the NHS's new CHOICE GOOD system. Well it seems I am in luck, my appointment doesn't seem to have registered with their system, as they've sent me a letter to ask me to do it, so maybe I can go through the whole thing again, yay!

Thoughts On British Gas

British Gas have to be the most incompetent fuckwits I have ever had to deal with. They cannot even keep their own appointments. My flatmate waited in last week, took a day off work, and they didn't turn up. Today we arrive home to find one of those notes to say they came but no one was in. Well what a fucking shocker, maybe that's because you were A WEEK LATE.

A few months ago we had some problems with our boiler. They first needed to come round and assess the situation. Someone then came round to fit a new expansion vessel. He arrived in the afternoon and when he saw the boiler said that it was an all day, two person job. He went away and left the expansion vessel with us. In the mean time a private firm came round. They informed us that the expansion vessel wouldn't solve our hot water problems, and that they didn't think the expansion vessel that had been left with us was the correct model. Over a series of long phone holds and eventual conversations I tried to persuade various people on the phone that we needed a different part. I don't even need to tell you what the outcome was.

40 Limit

What the fuck is it with drivers that stick at 40? National speed limit, you get stuck behind them at 40, 40mph limit, they stick at 40, 30mph, built up area, lamp posts, still 40. THAT PEDEL MOVES YOU KNOW.

Sam Branson, Model, Green Ambassador For Kiss FM, and Full Time Knob

He flies a lot, he has no idea what his carbon footprint is (though he thinks people should know), he thinks that an expedition to the Arctic is "green", his favourite "green habit" is jogging, to keep fit, which he needs to shower afterwards, but hey, he has a solar iPod charger, he's "willing to adapt" and he plays the guitar.

What a twat.