Dear Drivers

None of the following yet classify you as disabled, and therefore you are not allowed to park in the disabled parking bays at Sainsbury's, Vauxhall.

• An inability to drive, although of course asking you to drive as shorter distance as possible through the car park may be an advantage to others, including the genuinely disabled.
• An inability to park, though of course those larger disabled bays will give you more room for error, maybe you could start by trying to park between the lines.
• Obesity, though of course the larger disabled bays are a help in allowing you to get out of your car, and the fact that the disabled bays are closer to the shop will mean that you conserve energy and do not risk the loss of any of that essential body fat.
• Vanity, though of course the larger disabled bays will allow you to admire your reflection in your windows.

Yours etc.